Animal jokes
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Memes
water puppy
Can you go as a horse for Halloween?
Well, if you do, I can't wait to ride you!
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
My dog died. I'm so sad.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"