Animal jokes
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
Why did the bee get into trouble?
Because he wasn't beehiving very well!
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?
A. He marks the camels that kick.
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
What do you call a wild party in a bamboo forest?
Panda-monium!
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
My dog died. I'm so sad.
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?