Animal jokes
How many animals can you fit in a pair of underpants?
A. A cock and a few hairs (hares).
When a donkey digs a tunnel, it is called a burro.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
What do you call a deer with good eyes?
Good ideas.
A dung beetle walks into a bar and says to another beetle, "Is this stool taken?"
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
Why didn't the cows eat the lemon grass?
It made sour milk.
How can you make an Otter Pop become funny?
Take your shotgun and make an otter go "pop!"
I SAID GO TO BED BEFORE I SLAP THOSE SPOTS OFF OF YOU!
My dogs pooped in my shoes? Pooper.
What's a penguin's favorite relative?
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
Moose jokes, why did the moose fly with an airplane? Because it was a skoose.
Why are monkeys funny? Because they look weird.
What do cheetahs wear to work?
They can't change because cheetahs can't change their spots!
What's meaner than a pit bull with AIDS?
The guy that gave it to him.
What do you call New York City?
A human zoo.
Two kids were sitting at a restaurant. One said, "Could I please have some water? I am feeling a little HORSE." The other said, "Animal Puns? TOUCAN play at that game."
So there were three baby chickens and two mothers. The first baby said, "Why am I named Calf?"
And the mother said, "I f***ed a cow."
Then the second baby came up to its mother, and it said, "Why am I named B***h?"
And its mom said, "I f***ed a wolf."
And the final baby came to its mother and said, "Why am I named Orphan?" And because its mother wasn't there to see it, this is what I have to say: "Because you are one, you ducking hitch!!"
Why did the cheetah need to fart on the lion? So he could win the race.