Animal jokes
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
Memes
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
My dog died. I'm so sad.
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.