My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
I’m becoming a litter bit more zebra everyday.
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
Why is a bee's hair so smooth and sticky?
Because they use honeycombs.
What do gay horses say?
"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one.
She went mad, "What am I going to do with two dead dogs?"
