Animal jokes
Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Joe: Why?
Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Jimmy: Knock knock.
Joe: Who’s there?
Jimmy: It’s the chicken.
What kind of udder likes McDonald's?
Udderly unhealthy.
Did you know China wanted to send a dog to space?
They didn't because they ate it.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
A cat gets its tail run over, and its mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”
The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”
Guess who dies next.
Why do Asians excel at math?
Because their dog can never eat their homework.
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat.
What do you call a drunk cat? A drunk cat.
Why did the egg hide? It was a little chicken!
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"