Animal jokes
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
A horse walks into a bar.
The barman says...
"Why the long face?"
Why was the sheep arrested?
Because he did a "ewe" turn on a motorway.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
What did the mouse 🐭 say when his friend broke their teeth?
Hard cheese! 🧀😂
What does the bee say to the fly?
"Buzz off!"
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before, what can I get you?" "Pop," goes the weasel.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
The man had no arms and a little girl came over and said, "Give me a high-five."
He said, "I’ve got no arms," and the girl said, "Are you an eel? Cause he don’t have arms."
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂
Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.
Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.
I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.
I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.