Animal jokes
Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"
The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."
"MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE"
A funny joke:
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Who. "Who who?" Ha, who who, you sound like an owl! "Fuck you!"
What's black and white and read all over?
A newspaper.
What's black, white, black, white, red, white, black, red, black, then red all over?
A penguin falling down the stairs.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
When you overslept and can't find Noah
What's the difference between puppies and orphans?
Puppies actually get picked.
My dog died. I'm so sad.
What do you call a llama that was in 9/11? Osama Bin Llama.
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
If a furry looks like an animal, sounds like animal, and acts like an animal, can I run over it with my car like an animal?
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
The chicken wasn’t invented then.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.