Animal jokes

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

Foxy the fox was a careless fox. She didn't care about her friend Froggy.

Froggy was a careful frog. One day, Froggy decided to teach the fox a lesson.

Foxy was in her bed sleeping when Froggy made her room an entire mess. She got up, and then her mother berated her for not cleaning her room. From now on, she is a careful fox.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I saw a monkey yesterday, and thought it was you.

What do you call a cow that lives in Africa? Moo-fasa!

Fancy playing rodeo sex?

"OK then," she said!

Then put your dick in her ass and say it’s not as tight as your sister’s ass and hold on for dear life... real life cow bow boy shit!

Why can’t blind people eat fish?

Because it is seafood.

Junkyard dogs may be mean, but the meanest dogs are the ones guarding concentration camps.

A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.

But when he rounded them up, he had 200.

Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?

Because he didn't want to see the bill.

How do chickens 🐔 get stronger and stronger?

They egg-xercise every day!

Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?

Because they don’t have pockets. I’m

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to Birds Eye.

This one is for Gwen, I'm sorry people are so mean to you.

All the big cats gathered for a game of poker. Why did the tiger lose?

Because one of his opponents kept on lion. Another had a puma-nent poker face. But the real problem was the cheetah.

A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.

A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.

BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.

NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)

Teacher: What does a cow say?

Susie: Moo.

Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?

Jimmy: The duck goes quack.

Teacher: Now what does a pig say?

Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"

So in class, they were learning about where food comes from:

Teacher: So kids, where does bacon come from?

Student: PIGS!

Teacher: Correct. Where does mutton come from?

Student: SHEEP!

Teacher: And finally, here’s your homework.

Student: IK where that comes from!

A FAT COW! 😂😂

Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?

A: You koalagize to it.

How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying.

How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?

Pick it up and suck it off...