Animal jokes
What do crows use when they get a phone?
A "CAWing" card!
Why are elephants 🐘 so responsible?
Because they keep their belongings in the trunk.
I once tried to have a family friendly conversation with a worm, but it kept its head in the dirt.
Yo mama's so fat that Jane Goodall couldn't tell if she was a chimpanzee or a human being.
What do gay horses say?
"Hay ya'lllllllllllllll!"
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A-lick-a-lot-of-puss.
What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?
They get choked.
Where did the school kittens go for their field trip?
To the mew-seum!
What did the snail say to his ex-wife?
"I'm still leaving you!"
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
Why did the cow have for breakfast?
Answer: Muesli.
How do you stop a dog from humping your leg?
Suck its cock.
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
Who makes the best anteaters?
Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.