Animal jokes

What do clams do on their birthday? They shell-brate, but they eat all the cake for themselves because they’re shellfish!

I tried to eat ass once. The donkeys got one hell of a kick!

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What do you call a night person? A night owl 🦉 who is up all night, lol!

What did the bird go to the hospital for?

For tweetment!

Why did the duck get arrested?

He tried to quack a safe.

If a bird flies, and a duck can also run and fly, while a cat walks, why do we drink water?

What do you call a lesbian Dinosaur?

Lickalotapuss.

What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?

You can't wash your face in a buffalo.

What do you call a cat that walks slowly?

CATerpillar

What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?

Answer: Elephino.

What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?

“Good evening, ladies.”

What did the koala do when he was too educated?

He ran away from koalapidia.

Snake one: Are we venomous?

Snake two: Yep!... Why do you ask?

Snake one: Cuz I just bit my tongue!!! (Drama scene)

What did the owl that's a detective say?

"Hoo did it?"

What do cows use for math? A cow-culator 😏

There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.

The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.

What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?

Unlike the porcupine, the pricks are on the inside.

What do you call a calf that is in no way brave?

A coward.