Animal jokes
The tortoise can't go out to play, Or sell his house or rent it. For when he moves, his house moves too, And nothing can prevent it.
A black cat will be racist next.
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
How many children does Explain Bear have?
Explain Bear weighs 1 ton.
why the fuck is steam there ????
How many belly rolls does Explain Bear have?
Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.
Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."
Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."
What did Ahsan do?
Meow meow.
I like your cut, G.
*Slaps really hard*
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Do you know why dinosaurs can't eat hyenas?
Because they're dead! The last thing they ate was some rock.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
Why did the cow want to be an astronaut?
Because it wanted to see the Milky Way!
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What's the easiest way to make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail—it'll be delighted!
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
I can’t take my dog to the park anymore.
Why?
The ducks keep trying to eat him.
Why would they do that?
Because he’s pure-bread.
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.