Animal jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
What is a cow?
Q: My scale had my phone number on it. Wandering why, I looked up only to see an elephant in my face...
What did the fish say when he hit the wall?
Dam!
Teacher: What's your favorite animal?
Me: Desert Eagle.
Teacher: Why?
Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.
Child: Mom, someone told me you talk like an owl.
Teacher: Who?
Child: Oh, it is true, you do talk like an owl!
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
We just got a new chicken-proof lawn. It's impeccable.
What does a gay horse eat?
Haaaaaaay!
Why did the fastest cat get kicked out of school?
He was a cheetah.
So there was this girl and her horse would not stop following her, so she said, "Stop horsing around!"
Get it? "Horse-ing."
A chicken is delicious.
The fucking cat!
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!