Animal jokes
The fucking cat!
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What's Superman's weaknesses? Kryptonite and horses.
My dad told me a new version of a happy birthday song:
Happy birthday to you, you live in a zoo, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too!
No offense to anyone reading this on their birthday.
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
What does the chicken say when he didn't understand something?
"What hap-HENd?"
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other side.
MAGAnon is the goat.
🦆🦆🦆
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Why did the cow lick your mum?
Because she had a cream pie.
Here's a list of puns, not all of them are mine.
1. Smaller babies may be delivered by stork, but the heavier ones need a crane.
2. Yesterday, I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I’m okay, but I feel like I’ve dyed a little inside.
3. My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
4. Getting the ability to fly would be so uplifting.
5. Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, “What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, “I’m a big metal fan.”
6. Why was the cookie sad? Because his mom was a wafer long!
7. Why didn’t the cat go to the vet? He was feline fine!
8. How do you make a good egg-roll? You push it down a hill!
9. That baseball player was such a bad sport. He stole third base and then just went home!
10. My parents said I can’t drink coffee anymore. Or else they’ll ground me!
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover their butt. Quack!
Q: Why do birds need feathers?
A: To cover up their butt quack!
I got kicked outta the poker game.
They said I was a little cheetah.
Chicken
How does a penguin (however you spell it) build a house? Igloos it together!