When ordering food at a new restaurant, my wife asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken.
“Nothing special,” he explained. “We just tell them they’re going to die.”
What do you call a donkey and a potato?
Assround
What do you call an alligator that reads maps? Navigator.
Back in my day, the chicken dance was where the hen got raped by an angry pack of roosters.
What did the beer can say to the other? "Open me, please!"
What did the coconut say to the other? "Crack!"
Why did the jalapeño cross the road? I got spicy!
Why did the hubcap cross the road? Crack!
Why jazz, Jr. Get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the tornado cross the road? Let’s spin again!
Why did the turkey get to the other side of the creek? Don’t break a leg!
What did the bunny get to the side of the road? Get furry!
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
I was on the train today and saw a cow on it.
It was quite strange until I realized it was Alfie's mum.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he died.
POV: A person made you mad, but you're Chinese and they have a cat. "CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, CHING CHONG, BITCH."
Yo mama so hairy that the zookeepers called a code red thinking an ape got loose.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
what do fish smoke? a puffer
you look like a cat
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
Q: What are cheetahs?
A: The worst card players!
Why did the duck walk across the road? I lost my pecker!
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
Why did the pig decline to go to the farmer's house?
He would take him to a "pignic."
