Innuendo jokes

Michael Jackson was working on a cover of a popular Elton John song when he died...

His version was to be called "Don't Let Your Son Go Down on Me"...

I was gonna make a joke about sex, but you won’t get it.

In English class, the teacher says, "Kids, you need to say the alphabet. Okay, Sally, you first." Sally says, "Okay, a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z." The teacher says, "Good job, Sally." Then the teacher called on four other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on Little Johnny. The teacher says, "Little Johnny, say the alphabet." Little Johnny says, "b c e f g h i j k l m n o p s v w x y z." The teacher says, "No, Johnny, that's not right." Johnny says, "Oh, I forgot, u r a q t." The teacher says, "No, still not right, and thank you." Johnny says, "Oh, I’ll give you the d later." The class laughs and the teacher says, "Go to the office now."

A good woman is like a good cup of coffee, especially when it’s strong and hot with a little bit of cream in it.

Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?

Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

A vagina is like the weather. Once it’s wet, it’s time to go inside.

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts; this ain’t no ordinary blow job.

What did Michael say to the boy in his room at sleepovers?

"You are not alone."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a refrigerator?

A refrigerator doesn't toot when you put meat in it.

What did the female farmer say to the person who raises a male chicken? "Nice cock!"

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."

What’s the difference between my sister-in-law and a driveway?

I pull out of the driveway.

What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant woman?

You can unscrew a lightbulb.

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"

Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?

A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

Two nuns are riding their bikes down a cobblestone path.

One nun turns to the other one and says, "I’ve never come this way."

The other one says, "Neither have I. It must be the cobblestones."

I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.

There are some questionable candies out there, such as:

"All I want is a good Blow Pop."

"I don’t even want to know where that Butterfinger has been."

"If you do, you’ll probably end up with tasting the rainbow."

"Nobody wants to bite into an O’Henry."

"Or adopt Three Musketeers."

"Or even end up with a Sour Patch."