Age jokes
Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sister, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughters. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas.
"I don't understand it, Doc," she said, "I have this terrible, terrible gas." "Thankfully," she added, "they are at least silent when I fart."
Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him.
The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. "I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!", she yelled.
The doctor said, "well, now that we've solved your hearing problem, let's see what we can do about that gas".
What does an eighty-year-old woman have in between her boobs that a twenty-year-old woman doesn't?
A belly button.
What is a playground that is old?
A rotten playground.
My grandmother said goodnight...
She never said good morning.
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
In the Middle Ages it was illegal for a blind man to become a king.
I mean, I don't see why not.
What do you call a 60 year old with a bomb?
Suicide Boomer.
I went home one day. My mom said, "Look what a few guys got me." It was a MILF trophy.
My mom asked what does that mean. So I said, "Mom's I'd Like To Fuck." Then my mom said, "These guys want to fuck me?" I said, "Yeah." Then my mom said, "I still got it!"
My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.