Age jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.
When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Samuel liked Batman when he was a kid.
He still is a kid.
What's the best thing about taking a shower with a 12 year old Philippino girl?
If you slick her hair back, she looks 10.
Me and my friend were roasting each other. She said, "You look like a Reese's cup." I replied, "You're so old, your pubic hairs are 50 shades of gray."
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
Why did Chad date the 9 yr old?
Because Stellas hot.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”
Little Johnny walks in on his grandfather smoking a cigar.
“May I smoke a cigar?” asks Johnny.
The grandpa replies, “Well, does your dick touch your asshole?”
Johnny replied, “No,” and left the room.
The next day Johnny sees his grandpa getting into a car.
“Can I drive the car?” asks Johnny.
“Does your dick touch your asshole?”
“No.”
The day after that, Grandpa sees Johnny about to eat a cookie.
“Johnny, may I have some of your cookie?” asked the grandpa.
“Does your dick touch your asshole, grandpa?”
“Yep.”
“Then go fuck yourself, this is my cookie.”
Q: What's the difference between a grandma fetish and necrophilia?
A: A few weeks.
What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?
Oh wait, I am because she's 10.
What's an old man's favorite food?
Wrinkled onions.
What has a kid with cancer and Peter Pan in common?
They will never grow up.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂