Afterlife jokes
Get up, you lazybones!
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
School was fun, but it was hard, almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
A skeleton walks into a bar. Orders a beer and a mop.
Oh no, I feel bad for Stephen Hawking. He can’t get up the stairway to Heaven.
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
What did the angel say when it went to heaven? Well, halo there!
How did Stephen Hawking get up the stairway to heaven?