Afterlife jokes
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
I'm not sure how I'm going to get to Heaven.
God had not built a ramp yet... or an escalator.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
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Why do you think after death the angel says do not be afraid?
Search up biblically accurate angels.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go to heaven?
'Cause he'd walk up the stairs!
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
Whoever kills Hitler goes to heaven.
Oh, wait... never mind...
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
A happy family.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
You wanna know why Stephen Hawking isn't going to heaven?
Because it's a stairway, not a ramp.
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
When you're in the war and you die and say to God, "Where is the gulag?"
How many children does it take to change a lightbulb?
Not 15, as my basement's still dark.
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
You call it death. I call it peace and quiet.