Afterlife jokes
Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
Why did the baby cross the road?
Because it was stapled to the chicken.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"
I want to die to see the other side, but if I die I won't know anybody on the other side.
Give a man a match; he will be warm for hours.
Set him on fire; he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Jesus told me if I believed I would live for eternity. I believed, but at 97 I died...
I think Jesus is broken.
Yo mama's so skinny that when she walks outside, she floats to Heaven.
Why couldn't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?
Because there were stairs.
Yo mama so fat that she would die before reaching the gates of heaven.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?
Because he couldn’t go up the stairs to heaven.
Died and came back a cowboy, I call that reintarnation.
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.
You realize you're in a paradox until you die. You'll see yourself die by murder, suicide, old age, etc.
Then you realize you're dreaming, but you realize that if you die in a dream, you die IRL.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?