Afterlife jokes
Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?
Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.
Do you have a halo, cause I can give you one.
Why did he go to hell? Because he couldn't use the stairs to Heaven.
Why did Steven Hawkins go to hell?
Because he couldn't walk the stairs to heaven.
Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.
How do you try to shout at someone on the bottom of the ground?
"Hey, sir! Are you dead?"
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
Chuck Norris doesn’t go to heaven; Heaven comes to Chuck Norris. RIP.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
Why did the student at Blacktown Girls cross the road? To go to heaven. HAHAHA
Three nuns die in a car crash, but they all make it to heaven. They're standing at the pearly gates, and Saint Peter says to them, "Don't worry, you're going to get in, but first I need you to answer these questions."
He asks the first nun, "What was the name of the first woman?" The nun says, "Eve." Saint Peter says, "Go on in."
Then he asks the second nun, "Where did Adam and Eve live?" The second one says, "The Garden of Eden." Saint Peter says, "You can go through."
Finally, he gets to the third nun and says, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?" The nun stands there a little confused and says, "Boy, that's a hard one." Saint Peter, shocked, goes, "That's correct! Go on in."
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
I hope there is a lift to heaven. I shouldn’t be making jokes though.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
THERE IS NO AFTERLIFE.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.