Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell?
Because it’s a stairway to heaven, not a ramp.
What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.
What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Sometimes I get jealous when I see a gravestone.
The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
I'm really worried for Stephen Hawking, 'cause how is he going to climb the stairway to Heaven?
Did you know if you give a guy a plane ticket, he flies once, but if you push him out of a plane, he flies for the rest of his life.
In heaven, the Englishman is responsible for jokes, the Italian man for food, and the German man for law and order. In hell, the Englishman is responsible for food, the Italian man for law and order, and the German man for jokes.
Alright kids! Find a good place to stop! Then, out of the blue, Billy died. But hey, he went to a better place.
Why did God build a stairway to heaven?
So all the disabled people will have to go to hell.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.
God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.
Hitler: 👌👌👌👌
God: 😩😩😩😩
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."
Yo mama's so skinny that when she walks outside, she floats to Heaven.
