Afterlife jokes
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
When you're driving past a graveyard say: "Wow, people were just dying to get in there."
And the Lord said onto John, "Come forth to receive eternal life." But John came fifth and won a toaster.
What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?
Noise!
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.
Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?
Because he's British.
Jesus stinks so bad he killed all living things in Heaven.
WARNING: READ THIS JOKE ALOUD!
Was it the pills that stopped his coughing, or was it the coffin they carried him off in?
A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where Saint Peter greets them, "Hello sisters, welcome to heaven. Before you enter, I must ask you all a question." He asks the first nun, "Have you ever touched a penis?" Well, she said, "Just once, with the tip of my little finger." "Ok, dip it in the holy water and you can enter." He repeats the question to the second nun. Well, she says, "I might of held one once." "Ok," says St. Peter, "wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter." Just then, there's a commotion down the line. One nun is trying to push in front of another. St. Peter says, "Sister Susan, there is no rush, you will get in." "That's fine," she replies, "but if I have to gargle that stuff, I want to get in before Sister Mary sticks her arse in it."
That's why your grandma 6 ft deep, feet!
What did one ghost say to another ghost?
"You're boo-tiful!"
When we die we get sent to heaven, but when Stephen Hawking died, he was sent to the cloud.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
There's something special about cemeteries.
People are dying to get inside.
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
My favorite toast for parties: May I be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows I'm dead.
Has anyone alive ever died?
Is this our eternal life?
Why did the chicken kill himself?
To get to the other side.
When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.