Afterlife jokes

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

To Drew the Devil,

We NEED to talk RN. I'm very mad at you, and we need to talk.

Angry Alex

Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.

I burnt down a whole forest and asked myself, "Is this hell?"

One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"

You call it Hell. I call it Saunaworld DX.

An orphan asked his caretaker where his parents are, and the caretaker said, "A place called home."

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

Why did Stephen Hawking go to hell?

'cus there was only a stairway to heaven!

What happened to Stephen Hawking after he reached Heaven?

Nothing yet. He is still struggling to get up the stairway to Heaven.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

God said the first person to kill Hitler goes to heaven.

Hitler: Kills himself.

Why didn’t Stephen Hawking go to heaven? Because it’s a staircase, not a ramp.

Why can’t Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

Because there wasn’t a ramp.

Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?

Dad: He had a nap.

Kid: Where is he now?

Dad: HELL!

Stephen Hawking couldn't make it to Heaven because there were stairs, so he rolled down to Hell.

Q. Why can't Stephen Hawking go to Heaven?

A. He can't get his wheelchair up the stairs.

How many people do you think are in a graveyard? Hopefully none.

My grandma always told my dad if a bird ever got in your house/truck, someone would die later that exact day.

She found out she had cancer. 11 months later, my grandpa died of a stroke. I hope to see them in heaven. I’d like to meet them. Pls comment good things. I really, really love them, even though I didn’t get to meet them. 😭😭😭