Aed jokes
If you give Kobe Bryant a cigarette, he will be warm for a short time.
But he was set on fire in the helicopter crash, so now he's warm for the rest of his life.
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
Your daddy's so fat, he tripped over a rock. He thought it was a chip.
I was wearing a George Floyd t-shirt, and a person said to me: "That must be a bit tight round the neck."
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
A student asked a teacher, "How do you pronounce this word? It's spelled A-L-L-I-E-D."
The teacher was about to answer, but then the student said, "Actually, I know how to pronounce it. I lied!" (allied)
I was doing a race, and I started after everyone 'cause I fell, but when I got up I realized I couldn't even race, not because I was behind, but because I can't go straight if I'm gay...
Dad joke.
Why does a dad get more than a pair of socks at the golf course?
Because of a hole in one!
Question: Why does my teenage brother wear a cape to bed?
Answer: Because he can't sleep in his race car bed...
What is the difference between a cow and a chicken?
It's white and it's brown.
I made an advent calendar for a Jehovah’s Witness.
Behind every door someone tells you to fuck off.
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
Sometimes I look at someone I hate and think, "I hope you get laid tonight."
By a tweaker with AIDS.
Your mama so ugly she went by a TV and missed eight episodes.
My friend has glasses, and we were talking about owls, and I told my friend to give an owl glasses. I told my friend that it'd be a spectacled owl!
What’s the difference between candy and an orphan?
Candy is something everybody wants.
What do you call a duck that can fix anything? Duck tape.
Why should you always be friends with an emo kid?
They always hang around.
This is not a joke, nor did I come up with it.
If somebody calls you ugly, just hug them and say, "Life must be hard for you since you have visual impairment!"