Aed jokes
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
What song do you play at a emo kid's funeral?
House of Pain—"Jump Around."
My friend was showing me his tool shed and pointed to a ladder. "That's my stepladder," he said. "I never knew my real ladder."
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house? Because the ghosts bring all the boos.
My wife asked me the other day where I got so much candy. I said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon....I'll let you know.
What does a paleontologist and woke people have in common?
They both enjoy digging up the past.
What’s the difference between a gun and liberals?
Guns only have one trigger.
There are 206 bones in the human body.
207 when I'm at a nursery.
What do you call an autistic person playing a guitar?
Guarded.
How do you know Adam and Eve were White?
Have you ever tried taking a rib from a Black man?
What do you call a gay guy eating Cheerios?
Fruit Loops.
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
Do you think John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head because his wife said he was close-minded?
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.