Aed jokes
Lost my virginity to a down syndrome the other day... only cause I wanted my first time to be special.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
What kind of star would go to jail?
A shooting star!
BOB: Wanna know a joke?
LILLY: What? Your hat?
BOB: No, my life :'(
A group of friends went outside to pick up stuff. One of the friends said, "It is windy as heck out!"
So little Johnny was on the bus, and the bus driver already hated him. So he started to talk to himself JUST loud enough for the bus driver to hear.
"If my dad was a bull, and my mom was a cow, that would make me... a little bull!"
"If my dad was a rooster, and my mom was a hen, that would make me... a little rooster!"
And by this point, the bus driver was fed up with him, so he said:
"Ok little Johnny, I got one for you: If your dad was a drunk, and your mom was a whore, what would that make you?"
Little Johnny smiled and said: "A bus driver!"
Zack Stargaze has a small willy, lol.
Why can't a citizen in communist China, especially a Chinese male who is between 18-29 years old, buy a box of condoms in a drug store in communist China?
Because the condom would be too big for the penis of Chinese men in communist China.
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
How did the blind Catholic get in a car crash? He asked Jesus to take the wheel.
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
Q: What do a prostitute and a vacuum have in common?
A: If they stop sucking, you can smack them until they start again.
A priest and a pedophile walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey Jim!"
Son: Dad, Dad, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!!!
Dad: What's wrong? Are you OK?!
Son: Mia asked me out on a date on February 30th!
Dad: 'Cause there's no February 30th?
Why did the turkey cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Why are grapes never alone?
Because they hang out in a bunch!
Man 1: I-I ran my mom over to get a stupid book.
Man 2: Aww, books aren't that bad. I'm sure she thinks you're a great son considering she can't drive anymore.
Man 1: She was in the road, and I was rushing to get the last copy of this book. She can't drive or do anything anymore.
I have a problem. My dad and my girlfriend have the same birthday. So, one took my virginity, and the other is my girlfriend.
When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.