Aed jokes
My mom left me at a very young age.
What do you call a school bus with 30 kids?
A killstreak.
What did the shark say after he ate the clownfish?
"This taste a little funny."
What’s the difference between a child and a suicider?
One stays quiet forever...
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
A project where people get lined up to be changed.
A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.
One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."
Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."
Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"
All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"
The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."
Why did Karen leave me?
Because I was a mushroom.
Once a mustang, always a mustang. - Mr. Shaw
Jesus said to his disciples, "Go forth and ye shall receive eternal life." Thomas came fifth, however, so he only got a toaster.
A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"
What is, tyyyyyy a tree is it is the difference between a?
Will: Let's bring Hannibal a gift today!
Beverly: Yeah, I bet he’d love that!
Will: Yey!
Beverly: What should we bring him?
Will: *holds up a bucket and knife with an insane looking smile* Come in the bucket!
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
A Souls fan raped me. He said, "Try finger, but hole."
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.
Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.
Why was the booty so good at poker?
Because it always had a good PAIR.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.