Aed jokes
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Yo, dad is so stupid, he brought the milk after two years, and he said, "Oh, sorry son. I'm going back to the store. Bye."
Beans for centuries have been called "false friends," because they have a tendency to talk behind one's back. If you get my drift. 🤣
What is the difference between a detective company and a man with eyes on his butt?
One has a private eye, and the other has eyed privates.
What do you call a deaf person?
Whatever you want!
When your dad asks what you want for dinner in a group chat…..
What is a photographer's favorite card game?
SNAP!
Fineman, Einstein, and Schrodinger walked into a bar.
Fineman says, "It appears we're inside a joke."
Einstein says, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously."
To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking through the window, I'm leaving!"
Guys, I'm back...
Here's my joke:
What is blue and red all over?
Blood in the water of a shark attack victim.
What's red and got makeup all over?
A Bill Cosby victim.
What's a cow's strongest part of their body?
Their "calves"!
What do you call a Mexican who can’t find the bar?
Barlos.
My mom told me to be positive...
I was heading to an HIV test.
What do you call a scared cow?
A COW-ard.
I asked a man if I was the fastest gun in the west. He said my 17 wasn't good enough. After that, a lot of lead went into his head.
Baby: Stroll?
Me: *puts baby in stroller* WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL!
Baby: *happily screams*
Stroller: *front wheels break off*
Me: WE'RE GOING ON A STROLL WITH NO FRONT WHEELS!
Baby: Oka- CRASH!
Roses are red, violets are blue,
I fucked a chimpanzee behind my local zoo.
What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
What is a pile of balls?
Q: What is Chris Brown's #1 Hit? A: Rihanna
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.