Aed jokes
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.
Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...
I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...
He could have married her!
Asking for a friend, could anyone please tell me how to politely ask a question for a friend?
What do you call a midget born from precum?
"Half Nut!"
What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.
Man: Aw man, I'm having a bad day.
Man's friend: Same.
Man: So why did you have a bad day? My brother got hit by the school bus.
Man's friend: I got fired as a bus driver.
Man: Oh great heavens!
In Saudi Arabia, there lived a man named Abdul.
Abdul rhymes with Azul, the Spanish word for blue.
And he probably be lookin' more blue than me.
My ex's dad died while she was texting me. She said she had a boyfriend, but I told her I had a dad.
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.
What's the difference between 5% of priests and 5% of atheists?
5% of atheists have seen a ghost.
5% of priests have spooked altar boys in the sacristy.
I bribbled a kid and he was bribbled hem so hard that his balls came off.
Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.
Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!
You're so poor that when you drink water from a cup, people flick a coin into it.
What's the difference between a Russian potato and a U.S. potato?
The U.S. potato can still compete in the Special Olympics.
Boss: How good are you at PowerPoint?
Me: I Excel at it.
Boss: Was that a Microsoft pun?
Me: Word.
Ever noticed that "lol" looks like a person drowning?
I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
If you mixed the Iraq wheat scandal with the basics card paying other people's dole to your wife and tumble dried it in a royal commission that made your priestly mates look bad, what would you get?
Tony Abbott's career.