Aed jokes
What do you call a terrorist in a wheelchair?
An RC-XD.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
Why didn't Hitler's girlfriend like giving him a blowjob? It left a Nazi taste in her mouth...
Two wrongs don't make a right, but what do two Wrights make?
The first airplane.
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
A bomb is like a baby; when you drop it, everyone screams.
Why is a sweet potato casserole so sweet? Because it's so sweet to eat!
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Everyone is talking about Head and Shoulders, and that if he never had a shower, his batteries would have got wet.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Bully: Hey virgin!
Victim: I'm not a virgin, just ask your sister.
Bully: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Victim: Just wait nine months.
How do you embarrass an archaeologist? You give him a tampon and ask what period it's from.
Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.
I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."
Three guys are on a plane: one is Asian, one is Mexican, and the other is an American. The pilot says, "There is too much weight on the plane, you all need to throw something off." So the Mexican threw out a burrito and said, "I have plenty of these where I come from." Then the Asian threw out some rice and said, "I have plenty of these in my country." The American threw out a bomb and said, "I have a lot of these in my country."
The plane crashes anyway, and the three men start to walk away from the crash. As they were walking, they found a boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of burritos fell out of the sky and got me all messy." The men started walking away and soon enough they found another boy crying. They asked him what was wrong, and he said, "A ton of rice fell out of the sky and shredded all my clothes." The guys knew who did it but avoided the trouble. They kept on walking and found a kid laughing so hard he was on the ground, and they asked what had been so funny. The boy said, "MY GRANDPA FARTED AND THE HOUSE BLEW UP!!!"
Why does the nucleus feel trapped?
Because it’s inside a cell!
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What type of apple grows on a tree?
All of them.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.