Aed jokes
When I become a parent, I’m gonna regurgitate my food to feed my children.
It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
Teacher makes 1 kid recite the ABCs and the other count to 10.
Teacher: You can kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Little Johnny goes home and throws a rock at two birds. One dies. He gives his dad a concussion from the rock hitting his head.
Johnny at school: You can kill a bird and give a man a concussion.
What does a paedophile say when he gets to heaven?
A: Where's the holy baby?
It's funny dating someone smarter than you. My girlfriend knows how to push my buttons but never takes into account what a dick I can be if need be. Let me explain. Say, for example, she calls me retarded, I remind her that she's dating me.
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail mix.
I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut.
LMAO
Teacher: Don’t run into the road!
Down syndrome: Weeeeee!
Teacher: Lol, now he’s a mashed potato.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.
Why can’t orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.
What do you call a white kid at the back of class?
A school shooter.
What do you call people who jumped in the dam?
A dam fool.
How do you know when Kobe Bryant is famous?
His face was chiseled in a mountain.
Your hairline is so far back it became a case.
A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.
Don't be sad if you miss a shot when you yell "Kobe." He didn't make it either.
I told a blonde she needed gas for her car, and she farted into the gas tank.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
They don't know what a full house is.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
"Don't break a person's heart, they only have one."
"Yeah, break their bones instead... they have over 200 of those :)"
Why can’t a gay person walk a trail? Because a gay person can’t walk on a straight line.