Stone Jokes

Anonymous

sticks and stones may break my bones but a crowbar could do it so much quicker

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. he said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me"...

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

Anonymous

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

Anonymous

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

Shrigga

Sticks and stones may break my bones but there will always be something that offends feminists.

9
Anonymous
in Orphan

What’s an orphans high school nickname

Lone stone

Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

0
Anonymous
in America

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

0
gay for Jules
in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris and medusa had a staring contest medusa turned to stone

Anonymous

These three men wanted to start a band one had the idea to call them the rolling stones, one wanted to call them the veggies the other said lets be the cripples as they all rolled away

Mike

What do you call a couple mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

mark

you should never try afgani weed becuse people in afganistan get stoned to death

Anonymous

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

Angel from Hell

What’s Stephen Hawking’s favourite band? The Rolling Stones.

Anonymous
in Bullying

"Sticks and stones break my bones." a crowbar does it so much quicker

Anonymous

Hi stone, im watching

Anonymous

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing but when i the it people just looked horrified.

Anonymous

What was on Stephen Hawkings grave stone. Intel inside

Anonymous

Beneath this monumental stone Lise 80 pounds of skin and bone

Anonymous

what do you call a stoned mexican

Baked bean