Stone jokes

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a crowbar could do it so much quicker.

I was in an argument with a "friend" at school. He said, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me."

...so I threw a dictionary at him.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

Chuck Norris and Medusa had a staring contest. Medusa turned to stone.

Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.

Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

These three men wanted to start a band. One had the idea to call them the Rolling Stones, one wanted to call them the Veggies, the other said, "Let's be the Cripples," as they all rolled away.

What's an orphan's high school nickname? "Lone Stone."

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?

It's legal to get stoned.

You should never try Afghan weed because people in Afghanistan get stoned to death.

Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.

Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"

The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."

What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite band? The Rolling Stones.

I moved so much stone today.

I feel like a guy from Palestine looking for his wife.

What do you call a couple Mexicans getting stoned in a bush? Buches baked breans.

What do you call a stoned kid with Down syndrome?

A baked potato.

Two boys were at a lake, and they went to a bush and saw a naked lady.

One ran away, the other one followed the one who ran and asked why he ran. The boy answered, "My mum told me if I saw a naked lady I would turn to stone. I ran away because I felt something get hard."

Hi stone, I'm watching.