Aed jokes
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It gets really tense.
I gave a blind kid a gun and told him it was a hairdryer.
I love me a nice tight pussy. That's why I'm in big trouble with RSPCA.
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
What is a failed abortion? Annabelle.
Have you heard about the animal that was made of a human hand?
It's an ARMadillo.
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus. The bartender says, "Don't you mean a Martini?" The Roman then says, "Look, if I want a double, I'll ask for one."
There’s no "I" in "sex," but there’s a "U" in "cum."
A father is talking to his three kids.
Kid 1: Why is my name Rose?
Dad: Because when you were a kid, a rose fell on your head.
Kid 2: Why is my name Lily?
Dad: Because a lily fell on your head when you were a baby.
Kid 3: Auughhghhhggghhh!
Dad: Oh hey, Brick.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
How does an octopus laugh? Buble buble.
I told my sister a Dairy joke.
She said it was cheesy.
I walked out of the electronic store and saw a midget carrying a big screen TV all by himself. He looked like he needed a hand, so I offered to help.
He said, "This is not a big screen TV, it's a Kindle!!"
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked at me surprised.
(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)
Karien: Mom, I don't care if you're dating a new guy, I want you and Dad to be together!
Daiana: Sometimes things don't work out, like when it didn't work between your father and me. Time to move on, Karien.
Karien: Well I'm not moving on! I can't believe you love someone else!
Daiana: Karien, just give him a chance. His name is Derek, he loves cooking, cleaning, and anything that has you doing something.
Karien: That is so boring!
Daiana: Well just work with me please?
Karien: I'll give you a day... 24 hours, Mom!
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
What do you call a black woman?
A Nigg-girl.
Why can't a Chinese kid play baseball?
They ate the bat!
What do you get when you get yourself a deer with no eyes?
You get no-eye-deer.
What's a priest's favorite fruit?
Cantaloupe.