Aed jokes
Whenever I make a 9/11 joke, it bombs.
What’s long, yellow, and doesn’t float?
A school bus filled with children.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
De-calf-inated.
What do whales use to rub out a mistake in their homework? Their blubber.
Last week, I was on a plane to Manchester when suddenly the plane was hit by a ball. I wondered where it came from, but I soon realized it was none other than Penaldo practicing his free kicks. Shame on you, Penaldo, for almost killing me!
A man walks up to Lil Johnny one day and asks, "If you had one wish, but that wish will be granted to everyone on Earth... what would it be?"
So Lil Johnny thinks real hard and long, then said, "Well, I would wish for me to shit myself."
The man is shocked and asks why, and Lil Johnny replies, "Well, I would be on the toilet. I think everyone else would just be confused!"
When you find out the stripper you're banging is a hooker, but you're saving money, so it's okay.
A man entered the bank branch and asked the teller to withdraw his account balance. The teller debited his account and gave the man all his money. Then the man counted the money and asked the teller to deposit it back into his account.
The teller asked the man why he withdrew the money and deposited it back. Then the man replied, "I wanted to make sure all my money is safe and tallies with my records."
Lol
How do you know a cannibal picnic is over?
Everyone's eaten.
Why was the clown sad?
He broke his funny bone. PS: "funny bone" is not actually a bone.
What is a cow that does magic?
A smart cow.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.
A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"
Say this to your significant other (or your weird friends!)
Are you an unsafe staircase? 'Cause you look like you could use a railing.
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck.
Wow, Heaven's a lot hotter than I thought it'd be.
I brought my cousin to an arcade and I gave her $5 to go play a game, but she tugged my joystick too hard.
Did Jesus die a virgin? No, he got nailed before he died.
What do you call a cannibal without any eyes? A cann-bal :)
What do you call a gay man that is not physically handicapped that performs blowjobs on gay men that are physically handicapped?
Caregiver.