Aed jokes
My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds.
Your forehead is so big that babies can use it as a full-sized football pitch!
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
When you tell your friend he’s a simp and isn’t offended, say it stands for sucking intensely at monkeys' penises.
Meme:
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Throw a plate.
It’s broken, right?
Say “sorry” to it.
Did it fix back?
No... that’s the same thing you did to me :)
How many redheads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One! She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"
Yo momma so fat, her four kids use her as a bed and her fat rolls as cozy blankets.
Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?
He got ran over by a bus.
One of the students reported a school shooting.
That fucking snitch...
Q: What do you call a skeleton that goes to school but doesn't do any work?
A: Lazy bones.
What's the king of all school supplies? A ruler.
What's a flower's favorite drink at the movie theater? Root Beer.
What's a cow's favorite place to go during his free time? The Moooovies.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What's the definition of rude?
Sticking a blind man in a corner and telling him to find his wife.
Cow A: I slept with your sister!
Cow B: Never knew my brother was a girl!
All the other cows:
:O
I own a pencil that used to be owned by William Shakespeare, but he chewed it a lot.
Now I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.
Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.