Aed jokes
Why does Japan not allow little boys to run?
Because the last time a little boy came, Japan lost a state.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What do you call it when you drop a bottle of food dye?
"It's dye-ing."
I saw a bicycler flip over a gutter. It was pretty grate.
A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says, "Sorry, it was an axe-cident!"
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she was hit by a bus.
A man asked another man if he was happy with his marriage. He replied, "Yes, I'm very happy. We go on date night every week." The other man asked, "When?" He goes on Wednesday and I go on Thursday.
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
I bought a new shotgun the other day. Want to know what I called it?
Kurt Cobain's microphone.
A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says, "I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?"
Man, "Sorry, I thought it was the start of Eastenders!"
Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.
The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"
Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."
If Carlos and Jose took a brownie from me and I had 10 to start, what do I have?
Answer: A math problem.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
What is a cat's favorite Queen song... Don't stop meow.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N. Oh my gosh, I'm peeing on my shoe, no one knows about it yet!
Q: What did one atom say to the other?
A: I have my ion you.