Aed jokes
Me: Have you seen a Mr. Weewoo?
Most people: No.
Me: He drives the ambulance downstairs.
What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Pork-chop!
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
It is now legal to bully an orphan.
What are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because he can't find home.
Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.
Do you know what I found in my letter soup?
A space.
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
So this guy named Andrew Furda was my boyfriend for like a half a week, so five days. Then bam, I cut my hair. He only liked me for my looks, and I hoped he regrets it because it is WAR, so if you see this, you're going down, Andrew!
What goes in small and soft?
And comes out big and hard?
A tea bag.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.
Women be like if men are gone, Earth would be a better place, (forgetting) women help to create war, weapons, animal and human cruelty, and have helped to enforce laws that oppress them.
I saw a kid wearing tatty rags on a curb, so I asked, "Are you an orphan?"
"Yes," he replied. "What gave me away?" He asked, "Your parents," I said.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to go? An orphanage. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
What does my uncle call a school?
A strip club.
What do you call a flying skunk?
A smelicopter.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
What does a bungee jumper and a homosexual have in common?
When the rubber snaps, they both end up in the shit! 💩
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.