Statement jokes

What do you take care of after a car crash?

The witnesses.

What’s one thing you can say at a funeral and during sex?

She was too young.

PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."

I have been thinking about suicide lately. I mean, hey, my mom tells me I can do anything I put my mind to.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

The next sentence is telling the truth. The previous sentence is telling a lie.

Make sense of what I am saying, This is a LIE—and that's the TRUTH.

What am I?

Answer: a Riddle.

My favorite joke: My life.

My name is Ethan, and I don't find this funny.

None of these are jokes... they're all facts!

I don't know why we have to make jokes about this, it's already a joke.

Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.

I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.

These aren't funny.

Delyla is a bitch.

I should name my dog Ariana Grande.

That way I could say that I fucked Ariana Grande.

Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.

Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!

Person: WTF!

F*ck you.

What is the worst joke ever? It's you.

I'm always hanging in there.

Hanging on the wall.