Aed jokes

What’s the difference between a job and a wife?

The job keeps sucking after 5 years.

If Kenny had a son, we all know he would also be his brother.

Yo mama so fat, a bombing and 89 stories didn't kill her.

They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.

I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

What goes hahaha bonk?

A man laughing his head off.

Me: How does this thing work?

ForTnite kid: Oh, you don’t know how to use a pistol? Look, I’ll show you.

ForTnitekid: *shoots foot*

Me: That wasn’t a very good demonstration.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

So, a kid is taking a test, and the paper says, "In a pink bungalow, there's a pink fridge, a pink bed, a pink TV, and a pink cat. What color are the stairs?"

So the kid answers pink, like the idiot he is.

I was born and raised in Newcastle.

My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.

What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?

I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.

If an orphan wants food, who does it? No one. Everybody just watches him starve because they couldn't find his parents.

A kindergarten class is learning about the alphabet. The teacher asked, "What comes after M?"

Little Timmy reached into his backpack and yelled, "16!"

I just wish I went on a date with Ariana Grande, and then everybody knew I fucked Ariana Grande.

What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.

Why is a brick always hard? Because the Indians played with it enough.

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

I don't understand those couples that fight and a minute later change their Facebook status to single.

I fight with my parents, but you don't see me change my status to "Orphan."

I come in from work to see my wife dead on the sofa. As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of a dick fuck does that!

What’s the difference between a cat and a frog?

A cat has nine lives, and a frog croaks every day.

Why does the basketball never get a date?

Because they dribble.