Aed jokes

What happens when you put a baby in a blender?

The baby is a cherry smoothie.

You know what's the most awkward situation in the world? A rapper with erectile dysfunction.

How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?

Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"

One thing led to another, now I have a new patio.

What do you call a space Muslim?

A Tusken Raider.

What’s the comparison of an emo and a highlighter?

You can pop their head off.

I have a dead fish in my lunchbox.

Why don't people sit next to the cheetah during a test?

Because he's a cheetah!

My biggest joke: I’d show you, but I don’t have a mirror to show you.

Murder: Wanna play a game?

Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

The definition of the word "Disappointment" means running into a wall with a boner and breaking your nose.

Have you heard about the pedophile who was guilty of robbery?

He took a girl's innocence.

So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.

Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.

What do a penis and a Rubik’s Cube have in common?

The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!

Teacher, what do you call sex making out with a C.I.W.?

Oooh, I fall apart. Oooh, yeah, mmhmm. She told me that I'm not enough, yeah, And she left me with a broken heart, yeah. She fooled me twice and it's all my fault, yeah. She cut too deep, now she left me scarred, yeah. Now there's too many thoughts goin' through my brain, yeah, And now I'm takin' these shots like it's Novocaine, yeah. Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Never caught a feelin' this hard Harder than the liquor I pour Tell me you don't want me no more But I can't let go Everybody told me so Feelin' like I sold my soul Devil in the form of a whore Devil in the form of a whore You said it No, you said it No, you said it We'd be together Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought Ice keep pourin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' Covered in scars and I can't help showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin' Ice keep droppin' and the drink keep flowin' Try to brush it off but it keep on goin' All these scars, can't help from showin' Whippin' in the foreign and the tears keep blowin', yeah Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, I fall apart Down to my core Oooh, didn't know it before Surprised when you caught me off guard All this damn jewelry I bought You was my shorty, I thought.

I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.