Aed jokes
Teacher: What comes after C?
Me: Ooh! Ooh! C4!
Teacher: Umm, ok... but still what comes after A?
Me: AK47!!!
Teacher thought: Oh hell na.
Teacher: What comes after X?
Me: Xplosin.
1 second later, bomb goes off. Idk.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.
How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?
Because she runs away from balls.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What do you call a prostitute weed dealer?
A pot-hole.
Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...
"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"
I suppose that was a fair compromise!
What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?
They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.