Aed jokes
What's the difference between a redhead and an orangutan?
Some people adopt orangutans.
What's the similarity between a pepperoni pizza and Freddy Krueger?
They both have red circles on their bodies.
Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
A redneck and a Black man walk into a bar and order a drink.
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
"You the bomb!" No, "you the bomb!" A compliment in America, an argument in Afghanistan.
What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?
I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
A guy walks into a magical forest looking to cut down a tree. The best one he can find is a magical talking tree. He holds his axe up ready to slice and begins to swing when the tree says, "Stop! I'm a magical tree. You can't cut me." "I'm a magical tree!" the man mocks, then as he goes to swing the axe he says, "You may be a magical tree... But you will dialogue!"
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.
Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?
They both jump in the toilet!
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie.
An American, a Cuban, a Russian, and a lawyer are sitting on a subway train, in the same seat. The Cuban pulls out a Cuban cigar for each person, and hands it out. The Cuban takes one puff of his cigar, and he throws it out the window. Everybody but the Cuban goes mad. "You just wasted an expensive Cuban cigar! How could you?" The Cuban simply says, "See, in Cuba, cigars are very cheap."
The other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Oh, OK."
The Russian takes out a small bottle of Russian vodka and pours a shot for all the passengers. The Russian downs his shot, and throws the vodka bottle out the window. The rest of the passengers are alarmed, once again. "You just destroyed an expensive bottle of Russian vodka! How could you?" The Russian simply states, "See, in Russia, vodka is very cheap." Yet again, the other passengers are reassured and respond with, "Ah, yes! Of course."
The American scratches his head and goes, "I think I see the pattern here." So he takes the lawyer, and he throws him out the window!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
What do you call a virgin lying on a waterbed?
A cherry float.
What is the worst animal to play cards with? A cheater.
I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"