Aed jokes
Some dude called me a tool.
So later I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend.
Guess he was right :/
What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.
What do you get when you cross a highway on a bike?
Run over.
Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.
PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.
Are you a banana...
because I find you a-peeling!
Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite?
Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?
Why don't you shower with a Pokemon? He might Pikachú.
What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
I went to a seafood shop.
I pulled a muscle.
What do you call a chill transgender?
Fictional.
Q: Why did the fault line start acting crazy?
A: Because it was on crack.
An assassin threatens a planet.
The planet remains calm.
The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"
A farmer counted 196 cows in the field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 200.
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
What do you call a virgin kid locked in a room with a pedophile? Past tense.
I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page.
What’s the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What is the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman? One is a superhero and the other is a simple command.
The teacher said she made the kids guess what a random word was, and it was honey. She also gave them a sample of honey to make it a little easier.
Teacher said that it was something that you eat and what parents call each other. Little Johnny said, "I know what it is now! Spit them out now guys, their Buttholes!"
[God creating sharks]
God: Ok give them 3 rows of teeth.
Angel: Seems excessive but ok.
God: And make them mean as hell.
Angel: WTF y.
God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO.
Angel:...
God: And make one of the types have a hammer for a head.
Angel: Why do I still work for you?
God: Because I’m the only employer as of right now.
A friend of mine told me this joke a long time ago and I have never forgotten it.
A worm was crawling over a train track, and a train ran over him and cut off his ass. The worm turned around to get the piece of his ass back and another train ran over him and cut off his head.
BAD IDEA and a lesson to us all.
NEVER LOSE YOUR HEAD OVER A PIECE OF ASS!! LMAO (literally, kind of)( pretty sure you get it)