Aed jokes
My doctor told me it was perfectly normal to become aroused or even ejaculate during a prostate exam.
That being said I wish he hadn't!
It isn't a real charity until India opens call centers, like they did with Africa.
Bro, stop. You guys are saying the same jokes over and over. If you're gonna tell a 9/11 joke, just go laugh about the Great Thumps.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A school bus full of children.
Which planet would I consider dating?
I don’t know, but not Saturn because she’s already got a ring on her.
I’d like to be a One Direction poster because I want to be nailed to the wall by a teenage girl ;)
My name is Dan, I wear white Vans, I have a gun, get in the van!
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
I was making a bet with my grandfather about who would die first. I said that I would die first.
He said "Bet" and died after he drank his coffee.
He was my least favorite grandparent.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own “website.”
Me: *listening to music under a tree and smiling*
Random person who sees me: Awwww look at him, he looks so so happy ^w^
Me: *actually listening to depressing music that makes me wanna kill and end myself but just smiles to show that everything's gonna be fine even if it won't*
Why doesn't Voldemort have a human nose?
Because his snake bit it off!
Why did the farmer eat a fork?
'Cause he's a dumbass.
What is an astronaut's favorite part of a keyboard?
The SPACE BAR!
What is similar about the feelings of a girl's birth daddy and her new pimp daddy?
They both worry about how she will turn out!
What do you call a baby kangaroo? Joey.
What do you call a 6 year old named Joey? Supper.
A clown held a door open for me. I thought it was a nice jester.
Salman Rushdie got a new book out.
It's called "Buddha. You Fat Cunt."
Q: Why did Sally get beat up?
A: She couldn’t fight back.