Aed jokes
Normal people have a four-head, but bro... you got a fourteen-head.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I’m the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.” “I still don’t get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don’t you sleep on it then? Maybe you’ll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed.
In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother’s crying. He went to his baby brother’s crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent’s room to get help. When he got to his parent’s bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn’t there. So he went to the maid’s room. When he looked through the maid’s room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, “OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!”
America is filled with MAYO MONKEYS (you could make a mayo sandwich!).
*JMC*
ANOMALY-931
"Gwen"
Identification: just a stupid animal, with a big ass heart.
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
Who I wish I was
A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."
Today was no fun. A rhino escaped from the zoo and ate two parents, and I lost my job as zookeeper.
What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
A Lew runs into a wall, what does he break? His Nose.
A Mexican runs into a wall, what does he break? His lawn mower.
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
Once, I ate a skunk. It was hard because I didn't get it down the whole way.
What do pedophiles and a SpongeBob intro have in common?
Are you ready kids?
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
What is anonymous 🤔 oral masturbation? the politically correct word for anonymous gay fellatio from a 🕳 glory hole inside a 📖 adult book store
Why did an orphan say, "I'm wanted?" Because they wanted to feel a lie in their life.
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
Cannibal eats missionary, gets a taste for religion.
So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.
The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.
What do you call a pizza?
Anthony Cahill's face!