Aed jokes
I didn't mean to call an Afghanistan hotline. I told them I was depressed, then they asked if I know how to drive a truck. I don't know how that has anything to do with it!
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
In a game, there are crew members that have to keep the ship running. But little did they know, there was an imposter among them.
Sound familiar? 🤔
Well, in September 11th...
What's a fetus' favorite gun? A micro SMG.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
My father touched me yesterday. I called him a priest.
Why don’t you get a book about how to commit suicide?
Because you won’t bring it back afterwards.
What's the difference between Jesus and a holy whore?
Jesus got pegged against a cross.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home.
What do you say to a person who got his whole left side cut off? "Are you all right?!"
Person: You're so ugly.
Me: You ugly.
Person: I'm not a mirror.
Me: And I'm not your reflection.
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.
When you're at a funeral and you laugh at the body... everyone stares, and one person said, "Isn't that your mom...?"
Imagine you are getting eaten by an alligator. What do you do?
Stop imagining!
Did anyone ever notice that "STUDYING" is a mixture of studying and dying?
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus. I lost my job as a bus driver.
How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?
Juans upon a time.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."
So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"