Aed jokes

What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?

The home button.

How do we know Cinderella is a virgin?

Because she runs away from balls.

I had sex with a disabled girl. You can say I handiclapped those cheeks.

Every time I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.

There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, so I unplug them.

Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?

What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?

A ventriloquist.

Roses are red,

Violets are blue, you look like a donkey, and smell like one, too.

Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.

Gay is a mental illness.

You're not thinking straight.

I asked a person in a wheelchair if they wanted to fight. All I had to do is say, "Stand up!"

When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?

Alphaville - "Forever Young."

My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.

9/11 isn't something we should joke about. Some people can remember where they were when they found out. I'll never forget where I was when I found out.

It was 9:37, September 10th, 2001. I was in a cave in Iraq when my friend Mohammad told me.

Tiktoker: I will kill anyone who pours milk before cereal.

Depressed kid tiktok reply: *pours milk before cereal, pours cereal then takes a bite* I'll wait.

Time waits for no man, time is obviously a woman.

A kid told me to go get a dad, so I punched the kid. He went to tell his parents. Oh wait, he can't, 'cause he's an orphan, and orphans have no parents.

Little Johnny walks into the living room and asks his parents, "Mom, Dad, what do you get when you crossbreed a bulldog and shih tzu?"

The mother and father shrug and say, "We have no idea, Johnny. What do you get?" and little Johnny replies, "You get a bullshit."

My sister: You were born ugly.

Me: I'm not a mirror, sis.

What do orphans want to get for Christmas?... A mother.

If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?

"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."