Aed jokes
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
So I was asleep and woke up and went to work. My wife left already to her job. I was driving my car and ran over someone. I woke up in my bed, realized it was all a dream.
20 minutes later I got a phone call that my wife got hit by a car.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Dirty Joke: A boy fell in the mud.
Clean Joke: He took a bath with bubbles.
Dirty Joke: Bubbles was the girl next door.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Why can North Korea draw a straight line? Because they've got a supreme ruler.
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.
Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Q: What's the difference between me and a priest? A: A priest isn't turned on by dead children.
Did you hear about that Muslim party?
It was a blast!
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
What do KFC and a brothel have in common?
They’re both full of greasy chicks.
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
What is a deaf person's favorite game?
Charades.
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
What’s the difference between a man and a margarita?
A margarita hits the spot every time.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What’s the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.