Warden jokes

I parked in a disabled space today...

...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”

How I Punch my Brother: Wooden Sword.

How he is telling Dad: Diamond Sword.

How hard my Dad is gonna punch me: Warden Punch.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

The warden is stronger than the ender dragon, but WHY IS IT NOT A BOSS?

(Doesn't have boss bar.)

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket... You can hide, but you can't run.

Give a man a gun, and he will rob a bank.

Give a man a bank, and he will rob everyone.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

I like my women like I like my wine, twelve years old, in the basement, and locked up.