Aed jokes

What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

What does a bouncy airplane sound like?

Boeing Boeing Boeing...

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

I would make a dad joke, but I don't have a dad to joke about.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.

Girl: Hey.

Orphan: Hi.

Girl: Wanna be friends?

Orphan: Sure.

Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.

Hello! I hope you're having a good day or night! Mind commenting when you laughed the hardest and why? Like if you like this post!

What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?

You decide.

Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"

Kid: "A leopard."

Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."

Kid: "Broooooooooooo."

What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?

Jack in a box.

Why are emos useful in stores? A: Their barcodes give them discounts.

Me: I have depression.

Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!

Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.

What do you call a dinosaur that loves sucking dino dick?

Sucks-alota-cocka-sorass.