Apartment jokes
What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.
Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.
Hi 👋 I have some good
What do the Flintstones and the building next to the Twin Towers have in common? They both live next to the rubble.
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.
Friend 1: How come when you say "apart" your lips move apart, but when you say "together" they move apart?
Me: Maybe your lips want a divorce.
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
Why are the two friends like the Twin Towers?
They fell apart.
Why do emo kids not run? Because their bodies will tear apart from the bones from all the cuts.
I thought about learning skydiving without having to afford gear. But the highest place I got is my apartment window.
How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
What do you call an apartment full of black people?
A CON-dominium.
A guy went back to his apartment. Five minutes later, he said to the receptionist, "It doesn't fit!" So she gave him a new key.