The 50+ Best Apartment Jokes

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that i've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

Why do they call them apartments when they're together?

Its sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as- wild dogs

I got a roommate, he killed a butterfly and I said no butter for a week, the next day he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch nice try

What did they find in jeffery dahmers apartment?

jack in a box.

How am I an ableist? My ex girlfriend was in a wheelchair and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to 8th floor.

My family was watching home alone 2, so whenever Kevin was top of the twin towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home. So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

Mr.Smith lived in an apartment. in the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. why did he do that?

because he was too short!! so he pressed the highest button he could and went to his apartment

The Wife said "Honey! Do you like my new Teeth?"

The Husband replied "They remind me of stars Darling!" "Yellow and Far apart"

Yo Leo, are you an interior decorator? Because when you enter a room, it becomes EMPTY

Some moving men had just begun their days work. The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch. The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."