Apartment jokes

It's sad how families can be torn apart from something as simple as wild dogs.

The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"

The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"

"Yellow and far apart."

My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.

The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.

With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.

Are butt cheeks one word, or should I spread them apart?

Why do they call them apartments when they are together?

What goes up must come down, apart from Mr. Vyse.

Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?

Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?

My midget landlord told me to pack my things up and that I've got 30 minutes to get out. That's short notice!

A few kids were talking about how big their houses were. Kids were pointing to huge houses and huge apartments. One little boy said, "Bet I have the biggest home." To everyone's surprise, he pointed right towards the massive orphanage.

What do you call an apartment full of Black people?

A crackhouse.

I went to a feminist picnic the other day.

It was great, apart from the fact no one made any sandwiches.

Why don’t old people have sex?

When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?

What did they find in Jeffery Dahmer's apartment?

Jack in a box.

I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?

So you can tell them apart from the feminists.

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?

Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"