Aed jokes
What is purple, small, and rinsed off in a drainer?
A bunch of grapes! 🍇
What did Homer Simpson say when he ran over a deer? "DOE!"
How can you save a depressed person from a tree?
You cut the rope.
Q: What do you call a pigeon that is full of poop that flies in front of a car?
A: A suicide bomber.
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
I have a friend whose birthday is on September 11th.
They're going to have an explosive party that will definitely blow you away!
It's gonna be the bomb, and a blast, too!
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
Why are Captain from SpongeBob and Michael Jackson so similar?
They both say, "Are you ready, kids?"
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Why can't an orphan have sex?
Because they can't scream "daddy!"
It's only okay to beat up a dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say, "Your hair smells nice."
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
What's the difference between a hoe and a sidechick? The hoe want different meals, the sidechick always gone be that one crumb on the side of the plate for debate 💯.
what is the difference between a basement full of dead prostitutes and a bowling ball in the basement?
I don't bowl.
What do you call a heterosexual man giving a brojob to another heterosexual man?
gay now, heterosexual later.
I'd tell ya a poop joke, but you're my favorite turd.
Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.
I went to the dam to take the dam tour, but the dam tour guide told me there wasn't going to be a dam tour that day. So I was thirsty and I wanted some dam water, but the dam man wouldn't give me any dam water, so I told the dam man to keep his dam water.
You remind me of a snowflake, beautiful and unique. One touch and you're wet.