Aed jokes

Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.

What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?

A cold shoulder.

What do squirrels and men have in common?

They always want a nut.

How many feminists do you need to change a light bulb?

One. She puts the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around her.

...just kidding-

- none. They can't change anything.

Why can't orphans play at a McDonald's play place? They don't have parent supervision.

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.

What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.

What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.

One day, a girl was showering with her mom. She pointed at her mom's breasts and asked: "When can I get these?" Her mother replied: "In about 6 to 7 years when you grow up :)".

The other day, the girl's showering with her dad, and she pointed at his penis and asked: "When can I get this?" Her dad looked around and replied: "In about 20 minutes when your mom leaves the house."

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What is a physicist's favorite food?

Fission chips.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

A guy and girl had a sex poem competition.

Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine."

Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."

If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?