Aed jokes

What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?

A LETHAL WEAPON!

What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.

A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."

What do you call a fat Chinese man?

A double chinkey.

What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?

JFK: Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What is a physicist's favorite food?

Fission chips.

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabytes.

The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."

A time traveler walks into a bar.

What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?

A Sandy Hooker

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

What did the toilet say to the other toilet? "You look a bit flushed."

My family is like an apple tree. My sister is that ugly one that has to rot in.

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

What is a briefcase?

A short lawsuit.

You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father's son and your father's father, you're your own grandpa!

What is the difference between a dwarf and a midget?

Very little.

Could a parking garage also be called a broom closet?

"Doctor, I'm shrinking!"

"Well, you'll just have to be a little patient."

POV there’s a school shooting.

American: First time, European?

European: Yeah, you American?

American: No, not my first time.