Suicide attempt jokes
When you're asked to tell a crazy story, but the first thing that comes up to your mind is a suicide attempt:
"Oh, I don't remember anything in particular. 馃槄馃榾"
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
I called the suicide hotline, and he suggested I draw on myself to distract myself.
I replied I'd get ink poisoning.
Wouldn't recommend, the police came.
There is nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
So, I鈥檓 not sure if it鈥檚 a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would鈥檝e been mad. Because wtf, I wasn鈥檛 readyyyy!
Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.
A guy tried to suffocate himself with his BMW exhaust, but his engine failed.
This is the first time German engineering fails to gas someone.
Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.
Said the man angered to his wife:
"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"
I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."
Things I would鈥檝e missed if my suicide attempt didn鈥檛 fail in 2020.
My attempt in 2021.
And my attempt this year.
So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.
I tried to commit suicide today; never doing that again. I almost killed myself.
Shit, I鈥檓 never gonna try to commit suicide again. I almost died!
Am I the only one here that actually tried to kill myself 15 times and failed every time and landed up in the hospital every time?
If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego then jump to your IQ.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?
Dave: No.
Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.
What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?
The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.