Aed jokes
The Titanic is now a resort for fish.
Somebody told me to cheer up so.... I told him to pass me a rope :)
Your friend walks up to you and shows you a picture of an overweight woman.
What would you rate this woman?
A 7.
Why?
Because 7 ate 9!
What do you call an orphan's family reunion?
Me time.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Fill it out if u want
If a school shooter walks into a classroom and shoots an autistic kid, what does the kid say? "Why do I look like Swiss cheese?"
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
Yo mama so ugly, when she tried to enter an ugly contest, they said they didn't allow professionals.
What do you call a rooster lollipop?
A cock sucker!
What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.
My girlfriend left me for spending my own money. I buy this bitch thousands upon thousands of dollars worth of stuff, but I spend 100 dollars on a prostitute, she leaves me.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
I tried to give directions to an orphan, but he got lost because there was no home.
"I met a girl and she's 28."
"Now I'm the coolest guy in all of 8th grade."
- AJR
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
"911, what’s your emergency?" I asked, listening to the quiet sobs of a little kid on the other end of the line.
“I think my daddy want to kill me,” the girl said and cried, making me freeze on the spot as I recognized my daughter’s voice.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a cutting board?
I was a sit-down comedian, then I tried to stand up. I fell.
I wished I stayed in the wheelchair.
I was swimming in a pool on my vacation when a fan of mine approached me. He said he wanted an autograph and gave me a pen to sign it. I accidentally dropped the pen in the pool. Suddenly, Penaldo came out of NOWHERE and dove to save it. He said he always dives for pens.
Official Dj Penaldo playlist.
1. "I'm a fraud" 2. "I need you (ft. Tap-ins)" 3. "I Want to Leave Mid United" 4. "Back where I belong (ft. Europa league)" 5. "TY Eder" 6. "Nobody wants me (Rejectnaldo Remix)" 7. "Fuck that kid (ft. Lil Broke phone)" 8. "Sewy (Benched +arms crossed version)"