Aed jokes
A new drug has been developed for lesbians with depression.
It’s called Trycoxagain.
What do you call an orphan being kidnapped?
A surprise adoption!!
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
(People will then say "r")
Arrr, you think it be "r" but really it's the "C" that they love.
What's a pirate's least favorite letter?
Dear sir,
You are being investigated for downloading illegal copyrighted material, and your internet will be cut off.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
It was the year 1912. I was in the SS Titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, "I've heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?"
I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."
Depression, I got it.
A girlfriend, don't got it.
A life, don't got it.
Help, got it.
Friends, don't got it.
Family, I got it.
Best of all, depression, I got it!!!!!!
What did the cannibal get when he showed up to the party late?
A cold shoulder.
The American salute starts with your hand facing flat towards the ground on your head.
The British salute starts with your hand against your head just like the American salute.
The French salute starts with your hands in the air.
The Saudi salute starts with you being bent over with a camel tongue in your ass.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn't find a manual.
I'm 24 and I was with a Chinese lady, and she kept screaming, "I'm too young!" Like, I don't know what that name is.
I told a blind man to read more, so he grabbed my arm and read the whole dictionary.
What's the Pixar movie close to being a pornstar? Toy Story... *I got a friend in me*
Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?
A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.
I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.
What do you call a dog that tells time?
A watchdog.
What time is it when you walk into a wall? Time to get to bed!
What is a tuba plus tuba? -- Fourba.