Aed jokes

Why can orphans travel around so much?

A. They never get homesick.

Your hairline goes so far back that cars on a highway don't know which way to turn.

I was at the park the other day and sat down on the bench next to a mum and her daughter, and she asked which one was my kid, and I said I haven't decided yet.

You have an entire life being an idiot, why not take a day off?

What is a skeleton’s favorite singer?

Pelvis Presley.

Hi Leyla, I have been trying to reach you for a while. Where have you been? I was wondering if you wanted to chat.

A man bought steroids from Amazon.com... He was expecting a big package to come!

If you're cleaning a vacuum cleaner, does that make you the vacuum cleaner?

What did the cat say when he was stuck on a thorn-bush?

"Meow!"

Why was the short person a coward? They didn't stand up to challenges.

I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?

Klaustrophobic.

What gives you the power to walk through a wall?

A door.

How do you get a party started in Africa?

You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.

How do you catch an elephant?

Act like a peanut.

I tried to make a necrophilia joke, but it was dead in the water.

I got fired from my paramedic job on the first day. I told an eight-year-old who lost his leg in a car accident to "walk it off."

What’s the worst thing about having a sister with cancer? You can’t pull on her hair.

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

I was gonna make a joke about Mexicans but honestly, it crosses the line.