Television

Television Jokes

Sitcom

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

Porn

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

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  • Orphan

    How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

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  • Jimmy Savile

    I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

    Difference

    What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

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  • TV

    What do TVs and girls have in common?

    They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

    Michael Jackson

    What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

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  • Kelly Clarkson

    Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

    Fan

    What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

    Marriage

    A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

    Hypocrisy

    A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

    Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

    Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

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  • Murder

    I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

    Suicide

    What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

    America's funniest home videos.

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  • Kelly Clarkson

    Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

    (And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)