Television jokes

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the Fresh prints.

What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

How does E.T. have an advantage over orphans? E.T. can actually phone home.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

What's an emo's least favorite show?

Dr. Phil.

What's the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi? -- People in Dubai don't like the Flintstones but people in Abu Dhabi doooo.

I heard that Jimmy Savile never wanted to be famous... All he ever wanted was to settle down, and have kids.

A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."

What do Michael Jackson and the Captain from the Spongebob theme song have in common? They both say "are you ready kids?"

Kelly Clarkson and Ian Watkins of the Lostprophets both walk into a bar. The bartender asked, "Hitting on some 2-year-olds today?" It may have been an innocuous question, if it weren't for the fact that the bartender is Chris Hansen.

What do TVs and girls have in common?

They both show you stuff when you turn them on!

What is a Manchester United fan’s favourite TV channel? The History Channel.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.

What did me and my uncle call hide and seek? Naked and afraid.

Kelly Clarkson wants to be Rosie O'Donnell so badly. Too bad Kelly is the "Queen of Incest" and not the "Queen of Nice".

(And Kelly came from a sundown town in the Deep South, and not from Long Island.)

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.