Aed jokes
Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.
Dad: If you study, then I will buy you a new iPhone.
Son: Okay, I'll do it!
5 hours later...
Son: I'm done!
Dad: I lied.
Son: So did I!
My wife and I were out to dinner and the waitress started flirting with me.
"She obviously has COVID," my wife said.
"Why?" I asked.
My wife replied with a sneer, "Because she has no taste!"
Q: What is the favorite song of the people who window dived out of the Twin Towers?
A: "Free Fallin'"
How much wood can a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? If you woodchuck on the world with that, you have a really deep in, and he says goodbye. When he says goodbye, you're like, "if you."
What's black and sits on top of a staircase?
Stephen Hawking's after a house fire.
A list of Sans puns would be Sans-tastic!
My grandma walked up on my doorstep and I grabbed my bible... I thought she was a smurf...
I bet when you take a bath, they give you the whole pool. No, better yet, the ocean!
Why did the stick fall?
Because he is a stick man.
"I’m on a hunt for my wife’s murderer, have been for years."
"Oh my God! Your wife’s been murdered?!"
"No no, you misunderstand. I’m still looking for him."
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
What is an example of poor management? A prostitute getting pregnant.
Why do orphans suck at homework?
Because they don’t have a home.
"A llahu Aks into a bar..."
And it blows up!
There was a disabled kid at my door. He said, "I'm selling some cookies, want to buy one?" I said, "Well, if you stand up, sure."
What is a tree's favorite thing to drink?
Root beer.
A guy goes into the gas station and says, "I need a box of rubbers with pesticide."
The cashier said, "Pesticide? Don't you mean spermicide?"
The guy says, "No! My old lady has had a bug up her ass all week, and I am going to kill it."