Aed

Aed jokes

Clock

    • Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.

    "These are lying clocks, they tell how many lies a person tells."

    "Oh, cool."

    "This is Mother Teresa’s clock; the clock hasn’t moved because she never lied."

    "Makes sense."

    "This is Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."

    "Where’s Trump’s clock?"

    "Oh, we’re using it as a ceiling fan."

    And then I burst out laughing 'cause it’s so true.

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    • Suicide

    • Me, calls the police*

    Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

    Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

    Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

    Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

    Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

    Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

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    • Tree

    • Why did the man cut down the tree? Because it was there. 👨🪚🌲

    Why didn't the man cut down the tree? Because it wasn't there. 😕🪚⁉️

    Why did the tree cut down the man? Because it was a bad tree. 🌲🪚😮

    Aed memes

    Flow

    • A black lady goes inside the drug store on Eight Mile Road in the city of Detroit, Michigan, and asks the pharmacist, "I would like to buy a box of tampons."

    And then the black lady is asked by the pharmacist, "Do you want to buy the box of mini pads, or do you want to buy the box of maxi pads?"

    And then the black lady asks the pharmacist, "What is the difference?"

    And then the pharmacist asks the black lady, "What is your flow like?"

    And then the black lady tells the pharmacist, "Linoleum."

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    • Dad

    • Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

    Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

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    • Toaster

    • I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?

    Skeleton

    • What did one skeleton say to the other?

    Skeleton 1: "I need a hand!"

    Skeleton 2: (Throws up hand)

    Skeleton 1: "That wasn't very humerus."

    Skeleton 2: "Why do you have to be so heartless?"

    Skeleton 1: "At least I had the guts to tell you!"

    Knife

    • When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

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    • Shit

    • What did one gay guy say to the other when they were packing for a trip?

    "Want me to pack your shit?"

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