Aed jokes

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

What do maths and 9/11 have in common?

They both prove two parallel lines can be intercepted by a plane.

What did the Asian parents say when they had a disabled kid?

Sum ting wong.

How many Trump supporters does it take to fix a lightbulb?

None, Trump says it is all done and they cheer in the dark.

I, for one, wish Donald Trump was President again. It's been a while since we had a presidential assassination.

I think Abraham Lincoln was gay because a guy shot from behind.

Guy: Do you know how to draw women's rights?

Girl: No, how?

Guy: All you need is a blank paper, and that's it.

What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?

"This is a stand-up."

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

Why is there only 363 days in an orphan calendar? Because they don't have Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.

I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?

Did you hear that Daft Punk came out with a cook book?

It's called "One More Thyme."

I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

What's in common with Michael Jackson and a phone?

Kids play with both of them.