Aed jokes
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?
A sinkers bar.
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!
Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."
John Lennon: "What a nice view."
John walked outside.
He got shot.
:skull:
They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.
I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
Women treat me like a god.
They ignore me till they need something.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.
When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.
You won't feel lonely anymore :(
Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?
How many brain cells does a pregnant blonde have?
Two, one for her and one for the baby.
What do you call a lesbian with braces? A box cutter.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!