Aed jokes
My friend and I were joking about a kid in a wheelchair, and another kid came up and said to the wheelchair kid, "You should stand up for yourself."
Me: Wanna hear a joke about my chin?
Friend: Nah, dude. It'll be too long.
Blue: The ocean is a place where the creatures live.
Black: NIGHTMARES LIVE!
Blue: It has many pretty things and it will-
Black: KILL YA TO DEATH! Especially if you are on Titanic! So let that sink in. PUN INTENDED!
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
Memes
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
How did the man with no arms commit suicide?
We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
My thighs have a different texture pack than the rest of me.
Why did the chicken cross the road? cuz he saw a chic 😉
I banged a German chick one time. I tried anal and asked her to rate the experience. She kept yelling "9! 9! 9!"
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep.
There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things, and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patients to sleep, so I unplug them.
Roses are red, violets are blue, you have a big forehead, and your hairline recedes too.
Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?
He never learned to mix the colors.