Aed jokes

What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.

So, I was at a stand up comedy show in Russia where the comedian was making fun of Putin. The jokes weren’t that good, but I loved the execution.

What is a dry swimmer?

Not in the water...

what's the difference between a dog and a dad? The dog comes back.

I find it bemusing that hardcore right-wingers are superfans of Johnny Depp, considering that he looks like a dangerous Mexican drug lord.

Jon said: What do you call a pregnant woman?

Mike said: I don’t know, what?

Jon said: Kinder surprise.

Mr. Smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr. Smith have?

I bought a guh on the weekend.

(what's a guh?)

GUHZZLE DEEZ NUTS! 🥜 🔩 🌰

When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”

This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.

Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.

Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.

Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

What do you get when you drop a piano on an army base?

A flat major.

Why is North Korea so good at Geometry?

Because they have a supreme ruler.

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

I was talking to a beaver about my life. I don't think he really gave a dam about it at all.

I ate too many temmie flakes... I guess I got a TEMMIE ACHE!!!!

A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."

So, a few hours ago my friend said I need to CUT it out with the s/h jokes... like... it's really not that deep?

I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"