Aed jokes
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
A boy and a girl are showering together. The girl looks down and says to the boy, "Hey, can I touch it?" The boy replies, "Oh hell nah. You already ripped yours off."
What's the worst part of a Down Syndrome relationship? There's more downs than ups!
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
I was driving and accidentally hit a crippled kid. They were still breathing, so I told them to walk it off.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
I’ve always been a bit insecure about having thicker thighs.
Now I realize it allows me to fit more scars!
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
what's another name for cumming inside of a woman?
loading the dishwasher.
Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?
A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.