Aed jokes

They say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group.

I suspected it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a guitar teacher? One likes to stroke his finger across A minor, and the other one plays guitar.

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

John Lennon: "What a nice view."

John walked outside.

He got shot.

:skull:

Why do they call me a firefighter? Because I find them hot, and I leave them wet!

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Why do I have to go to a shooting range when I can go to school and do it for free?

I was digging a hole in the garden until I found some coins! I was about to tell my mum when I remembered I was digging a hole in the garden.

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!

Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.

What do you call a nosy pepper?

Jalapeno.

Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩‍⚕️?

Because he had a sour stomach.

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

What does a lesbian bring on the second date?

A U-Haul.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.

When you feel lonely, just watch a scary movie.

You won't feel lonely anymore :(

What is six inches, has nuts, and is hard?

A sinkers bar.

I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"