Aed jokes
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Q. What walks through alleys and has a hole in it?
A. Batman's parents.
What does a penis and a Rubik's cube have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.
A woman can fake an orgasm for the sake of a relationship.
A man can fake a relationship for the sake of an orgasm.
I'm starting a new charity where homosexuals help the extremely handicapped.
I'm calling it "Fruits and Vegetables".
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
What do you call an Irish lesbian? A gay lick.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut, you fucking racist.
My dad died on 9/11. He was a great pilot.
Rizz
Are you a basketball hoop? 'Cause I want to put my balls in you.
Are you a photo biographer? 'Cause I can picture us together.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.