Aed jokes
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What do you call an avocado that got shot? Glockamole.
My wife accused me of being a cross-dresser, so I packed up her clothes and left.
Are you a bowling ball? Because I want to stick 3 fingers in you.
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
What do you call an Afghan in the bath? A bath bomb.
I asked my friend if he would take a bullet for the last person he slept with.
He said hell yeah, I'd do anything for my sister!
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
What would fall out of a tree first, a depressed person or a feather?
Answer: The feather wouldn't. The rope would stop the person from falling all the way.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
I met this girl at a bar and started doing her from behind. Everything was great until she turned and said, "My turn!"
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
So we were working with a new client at work, and my boss farts. He said, "A little gas never killed anyone."
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."