Aed jokes
I've always wondered how it would feel to put Hellen Keller in a room full of doorknobs... but no doors.
What's the similarity between my son and a rug from eBay? I asked for a refund.
What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?
They both make a sound when thrown.
What is the difference between a small child and a watermelon?
One I eat on the daily and the other is a watermelon.
I troll under different usernames. I'm a bit all over the place mentally.
A young cowboy entered a seedy cafe in a small West Texas town.
He sat at the counter and spotted an elderly cowboy with his arms folded and his gaze fixed on a bowl of chili. After roughly 15 minutes of staring at it, the young cowboy boldly inquired, “If you’re not going to eat it, do you mind if I do?” Slowly turning his head toward the young wrangler, the older cowboy muttered, in his best cowboy voice, “Nah. Go ahead.”
The young cowboy eagerly reached over and slid the bowl over to his spot, spooning it in with glee. He was almost to the bottom when he noticed a rotten dead rat in the chili.
The sight was shocking, and he immediately upchucked the chili into the bowl. The old cowboy quietly said, “Yep, that’s as far as I got, too...”
I'd make a farming joke, but I'm just a little less than corny enough.
What's an orphan's favorite toy? A boomerang, because it comes back.
What’s the Difference Between a Cat and a Comma?
One has claws at the end of its paws, and the other is a pause at the end of a clause.
Yo life got no meaning, just like your dad when he left. Like if it's a good one.
Do you know why the cake doesn't ever fight anyone?
He says, "Take a peace of that!" while entering a fight.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
You also have to learn to say no. For example: "Would you like a piece of cake?" "No, I'd like two."
Your hairline looks like a car!
Q: What do Epstein and Dahmer have in common?
A: They both like to eat kids in and out.
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
Q: Why does Michael Jackson live in a Barbie world?
A: ♫He's made of plastic, it's fantastic!♪
What starts with T, ends with T, and has T in it?
A teapot.
What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.
"It never gets old."
"Just like a sick kid!"